Boy George, “In the 60s people took acid to make the world weird. "What's the matter?" Everyone's sense of humor is different. Any list of best short jokes is going to be subjective, but those below are likely to give you a laugh and brighten your day. Suddenly the constant function starts running. Doyouthinkhesaurus (45%) 3. The 9 Best Dirty Jokes of All Time. Frank Zappa, “Australia’s gift to insomniacs… the blonde singing the bland.” 1 Good women are found on every corner of the earth but sadly the earth is round! A geisha approaches a man rumored to be the third best swordsman in Japan, and asks him for a demonstration of his skill. Help, I feel like a pair of curtains! Musical Baby Names 3. Harold C Schonberg, the first music critic to win the Pulitzer Prize For Criticism, “Listening to the fifth symphony of Ralph Vaughan Williams is like staring at a cow for 45 minutes.” Read Also: 160 Funny Best Jokes. 16. Image: Thomas Hawk. I can feel it. What's the difference between a viola and an onion? God doesn't think he's a conductor. Arnold Schoenberg walks into a bar. Tom Lehrer, “My chances of getting into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame are about as good as Milli Vanilli’s.” English conductor Sir Thomas Beecham, Q: “What’s the difference between a conductor and God?” At a press conference on The Beatles’ first US tour in 1964, “The first requirement for a composer is to be dead.” Tom Waits, “I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall Of Fame Award. Choir as Described by Billy Wilder’s quip about actor Cliff Ormond, “Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?” Somebody should have been here last week… we had the bouncers chucking them in. 10pm - 1am, Symphony No.9 in D minor Opus 125 (3) A stick. What do you call a blind dinosaur? I ain’t never heard a horse sing a song.” Bar Jokes (Introduction Jokes) , Pickup Lines (Guy to Girl) , Holiday Jokes (Birthday Jokes) After a second, the shop assistant says, "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator stays. He walks into a music shop and says, "I'll take that red trumpet over there, and that accordion." She just holds on and the world revolves around her. Yes, there are mom jokes out there too, but, as much as we hate to say it, dad jokes still take the cake. 268 votes, 58 comments. 58. 8. Classic jokes really do hit the spot, enjoy a few today. Fire extinguisher. Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary, Q: “Why is a piano so hard to open?” “I knew Ice Cube when he was called Water.”, Q: “What’s the first sign of Madness?” Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. Not all jokes need to be family friendly and G-rated. Heart vs. Vocal Range. Choir Starter Pack 2. In fact, it's sort of a tradition - from the comedy of Buck Owens on "Hee Haw," to the blue-collar stand up of Jeff Foxworthy and Bill Engvall. asks e^x. Oscar Wilde, “Extraordinary how potent cheap music is.” There are intellectual jokes. Jelly Roll Morton, “You should have been here last week. As a musician, I’ve learned the best way to win a Grammy is to not release your music in the same year as Adele. None, they all sit in the dark and cry. Philip Glass. Ten Ways to Crack a Safe Top Ten Countries With the Most Impressive Life Expectancies Top 10 Best Movies of 2020 Top 10 Best Songs of … "Ba-na-na-naaaaa". Jerry Seinfeld, “I wrote a song, but I can’t read music so I don’t know what it is.” Here all the best music puns of all time. Mouse organs. Les Dawson, “I went to a karaoke bar last night that didn’t play any 70s music. Victor Borge, “I was playing piano. Rap. Strongman and cultural icon Chuck Norris stars in a fantastic number of one-line jokes on the Internet, satirical comments on his portrayal of the ideal martial arts master who never loses a fight or drops a punch. Freddie Mercury, “I don’t have a drinking problem, ’cept when I can’t get a drink.” Choir as Described by Pianist melts together Chopin and Rachmaninov in, We can accurately guess your birth month from your, Deepfake AI now lets classical composers ‘sing’ your, Singapore ballet conductor swaps baton for bike in, ‘To live a full life, you need to fully experience music, Minister blames EU for ‘self-defeating’ rejection of, Who was Astor Piazzolla? A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. How does a soprano sing a scale? Philip Glass. A: “Because the keys are on the inside.”, “Please do not shoot the pianist. The Holiest Chord. 10. 6. Rocket Science 5. Some of the most beautifully crafted, genuinely laugh-out-loud adult dirty jokes are so jaw-droppingly filthy that you'd feel a little weird even sharing them with a consenting adult at a bar after midnight. Linda Smith, “The first time I sang in the church choir, 200 people changed their religion.” It was like trying to blow an octopus.” Billy Connolly, “I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Duke Ellington, “If you’re in jazz and more than 10 people like you, you’re labelled commercial.” It's all done in good fun. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. Covering all sorts of themes and topics, it s just a great collection of jokes that will have anyone laughing along. Knock knock, who's there? “Laughter lines,” Jagger said to his friend, with a grin. 5. "Come on, we have to get away from here!" The barman says: “Wow! Dave Barry, “I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.” Eric Morecambe, “I play all my country and western music backwards – your lover returns, your dog comes back and you cease to be an alcoholic.” And don’t fret, we haven’t scaled back… here, in seven different categories, are 100 of the best music jokes and humorous quotes you can find. I'm reading a horror book in Braille. Songs that my parents used and songs that I used for study, as well songs to support and motivate you on your journey in the entrepreneur world. Back desk players. ... 100+ Best Dad Jokes of All Time (Creative and Eye-Rolling Puns) Someone shouted: ‘Get him off!’ The manager shouted: ‘No, he’s ’armless!’ I heard somebody say: ‘That’s what he ought to be.’” Why did JS Bach have so many children? When you’re 67 and singing about it, you know what you’re talking about.” Laughter and tears are both responses to everyday life, said Kurt Vonnegut, adding, “I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.” Music can provide some of life’s most uplifting and spiritual experiences… but there is also plenty to smile about. Shmuel Breban, “I went to a record store and asked for 50 Cent, they kicked me out for panhandling.” The best sword joke of all time [Long] The Emperor of Japan was hosting a banquet and invited the best swordsmen from all over the country. Why couldn't the string quartet find their composer? George Burns, “When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.” However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. Pay them for the pizza. There's a differential operator over there! Apr 25, 2018 - Some memes will never get old, and we're thankful for that! The LEGO shop reopens tomorrow, but I recommend avoiding it for the time being. “Who’s there?” How many men does it take to open a beer? 105+ Corny Jokes to Send to … Thanks a lot. In fact, we’ve made 12 albums that sound exactly the same.” Short jokes provide laughter and amusement. Choir Starter Pack 2. A: “A rubber band”. A percussionist, tired from being ridiculed by other musicians, decides to change instruments. "Sorry," the barman said. I am not ignoring you. Because he only had Karajan luggage. Gioachino Rossini, “I just can’t listen to any more Wagner… I’m starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.” Jimi Hendrix, “Life is like a sewer – what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” “Nothing’s that funny,” Melly quipped, “A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the banjo – and doesn’t.” Oh come on, you can admit it. Bach. What's the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline? Do you really want music in the shower? It just smells funny.” Did you hear the one about the viola? "We don't serve minors.". A pizza can feed a family of four. There's only one thing better than a good joke - a joke so bad that it's good. Middle C, E flat and G walk into a bar. Tommy Cooper, “The piano has been drinking, not me.” Smooth Classics with Myleene Klass 1. You’re so black that if you were standing against a white wall you’d look like a passageway. The World Wide Web is home to some rather risque humor, and we’ve found the best of it. No, no. Schoenberg's tonic. “A little old lady.” Before and After. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. Bennett Cerf, founder of Random House, “[A clarinet is] an instrument of torture operated by someone with cotton wool in their ears. Required fields are marked *. There are so many jokes about this composer. Oh, I was petrified.” It’s just soft.” Jon Bon Jovi, “I don’t perform… seals perform.” What's the definition of perfect pitch? That’s 84 in musician years.” 9. They arrive at the pearly gates and, after a bit of a wait, St. Peter appears and asks them what they want. If he operates on me, I'm a goner!" A guy goes ice fishing for the very first time. Swiss composer Arthur Honegger, Q: “Why shouldn’t you let children watch symphonies on TV?” When Laurel and Hardy play street musicians in Below Zero, Q: “How do you make a bandstand?” Songs that my parents used and songs that I used for study, as well songs to support and motivate you on your journey in the entrepreneur world. Stewart Francis, “Playing bop is like Scrabble with all the vowels missing.” Moments of light relief have been hard to come by this year but the annual ranking of topical Christmas cracker jokes provides some, with the top spot taken by one that has a … He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them. George Carlin, “We idolised The Beatles, except for those of us who idolised The Rolling Stones, who in those days still had many of their original teeth.” A: “God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.”, “Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.” What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? He walks into a music shop and says, "I'll take that red … Aaron Copland, Reporter: “What do you think of Beethoven?” Claire: “Oh, we got both kinds. Why was the former conductor of the Berlin Philharmonic always first off the plane? A: “Seeing Suggs walking up your driveway.”, “Knock, knock!” Quincy Jones, “If you wanted to torture me, you’d tie me down and force me to watch our first five videos.” 50 Food Puns To Dish Out When You’re Hungry For Laughs. 90+ Funny Space Puns and Jokes That Are Out Of This World. So I thought it would be only fair to include these Irish jokes in a big blog post. I could make you a Liszt. From TV show ‘Seinfeld’ to hit movie ‘The Blues Brothers’, anonymous gags to laughs about gigs, these are the best music jokes in the world. Those who love dirty jokes, and those who are lying. Email. Out of Tune Instruments. Just a great assortment of funny jokes that have that all time classic status. Your email address will not be published. Loudon Wainwright, “We only knew four chords, but we arranged them pretty well.” Everyone's relieved when the case is closed. 8. The more the merrier. Hayley Matthews Updated: 9/25/14. A guy rang up to ask what time the show started and we said, ‘What time can you get here?’ The band was playing ‘Tea For One’ and the audience was on its foot. Ronnie Scott, club owner and saxophonist, “I met her in the museum of palaeontology. You take your shoes off the jump on a trampoline. Because the sea weed! (52%) 2. Keith Richards, George Melly to Mick Jagger: “Why is your face was so wrinkled?” Minnie Riperton, “All music is folk music. Musician Jokes. What's the difference between a musician and a large pizza? Classic jokes really do hit the spot, enjoy a few today. And I make no bones about it.” The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." George Bernard Shaw, “I’m 42. 10 women who changed the classical music world forever 2 days ago. A percussionist, tired from being ridiculed by other musicians, decides to change instruments. What's the difference between a chainsaw and a saxophone? You’re so black that you were marked absent at night school. A: “Learning how to fold maps.”, Q: “Why do bagpipers walk when they play?” Freeze you’re under a vest (44%) 4. And the rest of you, if you’ll just rattle your jewellery.” Source: 'paperkut' from imgur You may have already seen a few, these are my personal favorites: 1_What's the difference … Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Nothing brings the family together at Christmas quite like a good (or terrible) Christmas joke. Rocket Science 5. Reminds me of my all-time favorite: A constant function and e^x are walking down the street. Spike Milligan, “Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Because they put on the salsa. A: “Take away their chairs.”. Knock knock, who's there? 95. “I didn’t know you could yodel.”, Q: “What rock group has four guys who don’t sing?” A: “A harp player taking out a mortgage.”, “Never look at the trombones; you’ll only encourage them.” The top 10 funniest jokes of all time according to kids: 1. Why 21 you ask? But we're going to let you in on a little secret: We drummers love the jokes. Read on to discover the best clean jokes that promise a whole lot of giggles for both adults and kids alike.. 101 Clean Jokes. What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students? None. 28 cringe-worthy classical music jokes that you need in your life. And if you feel we’ve missed some of your best music jokes, let us know in the comments. 18. Country music fans don't mind making fun of themselves and their music. Life of a Music Major. Q: “What kind of music are balloons afraid of?” A: “With a tuba glue.”, Q: “What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?” 7. Today is all about guitar jokes. Richard Strauss, “[The piano] is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.” But 15 years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. Something bad is going to happen. Here are our favorite timeless musical memes: 1. Jay London, “If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted and musicians denoted.” One. And because there's truly no bad time for a so-bad-it's-good one-liner—be it in your Father's Day captions on social media or Sunday night family dinner—we rounded up the best dad jokes that verge on groan/greatness territory. I saw them alive alive-o in concert.” Dave Lee Roth, Van Halen, “Could the people in the cheaper seats, clap your hands? Click the image for a printable PDF of this tasty rhythm guide! Because he didn't have any organ stops. There are songs from all times. Other jokes to make the top 20 include a string of brilliant one-liners - and digs at wives, husbands, blondes and foreigners. Even so, drummer jokes abound. His partner replies: "Just fake it!". 59. “Lemmy” Angus Young, AC/DC, “If I didn’t do music well, I just wouldn’t have anything to do… I can’t cook, and I’d be a terrible housewife.” Because he was Baroque. John Cusack as Rob Gordon in High Fidelity, “I worry that the person who thought up muzak may be thinking up something else.” 61. Here are our favorite timeless musical memes: 1. And so, with that in mind, MusicRadar has compiled the 23 best drummer jokes of all time. 28 cringe-worthy classical music jokes that you need in your life. Herbie Mann, “Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just like eating a bag of crisps. Why did the pirate buy a Pavarotti album? They can't find the key and don't know when to come in. Ringo Starr: “I love him, especially his poems.” Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary, “I do not have a single white note on my piano; my elephant smoked too much.” They are music teachers -- a band director, orchestra director, and choir director. Irish jokes are famous across the world, some good and some bad. ‘Me Against The World’: How 2Pac Transcended Hip-Hop’s Trappings, Extreme – And The Debut Album That Tapped Their Maximum Potential, ‘On Through The Night’: Def Leppard’s Debut Remains A NWOBHM Classic, ‘Now He Sings, Now He Sobs’: The Yin And Yang Of Chick Corea, Best Motown Girl Groups: 10 Essential Acts You Need To Know, Justin Bieber Delivers Standout Performances At The Kids Choice Awards, Gwen Stefani Hints At No Doubt Reunion After ‘Slow Clap’ Release, Herb Alpert Young Jazz Composer Award Recognizes 20 Rising Talents, Spoon Share Live Covers Of Tom Petty’s ‘Breakdown’ And ‘A Face in the Crowd’, Jordan Davis Releases New Single ‘Need To Not’. 19. ... 240+ Best Kids Jokes for Some Wholesome Laughs. Tim Vine, “Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.” There are songs from all times. Because they were slurring. What's the difference between a conductor and God? Three musicians and their wives are all killed in a terrible accident on their way to a music conference. A: “Mount Rushmore.”. “I went to see an Elvis impersonator, but I got there too late… he had left the building.”, When the great harpsichordist Wanda Landowska was asked how she spent her time when she wasn’t on the concert stage, she said, “Then I finger my passages.”, “Knock, knock” Why did the tortilla chip start dancing? Difficult Times . ... 10 of Bach’s all-time best pieces of music 2 days ago. What did the policeman say to his tummy? What's brown and sticky? John Bender in The Breakfast Club, Elwood: “What kind of music do you usually have here?” How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb. When you throw a banjo in the bin and it lands on an accordion. Music is the brandy of the damned.” Son, what did you learn at your first double bass lesson? Your so black tar calls you baby. More jokes about: life, music. How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep? How do you fix a broken brass instrument? What, you expect us to actually count to a normal number? What’s the best thing about Switzerland? From wince-inducing puns to ghastly double entrendres, here are 115 of the very worst/best. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.” “A little old lady who?” How can you tell if a singer's at your door? If you don’t like jokes you can always check out the guitarhabits’ archive for a great workout and some awesome guitar knowledge to get your fingers moving. However, when … Fred Allen, “My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the ‘William Tell Overture’ without thinking of The Lone Ranger.” Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven, where they are met at the Perly Gates by St. Peter. Cole Porter, “Let me be clear about this: I don’t have a drug problem; I have a police problem.” John Lennon at The Royal Variety Performance, 1963, “Not seeing my physician for 20 years was one of those phobias that really didn’t pay off.” From The Blues Brothers, “The inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm.” Weird Al Yankovic, “My sole inspiration is a telephone call from a producer.” Just a great assortment of funny jokes that have that all time classic status. Can You Curve My Grade? Warren Zevon, “I had a boyfriend who told me I’d never succeed, never be nominated for a Grammy, never have a hit song, and that he hoped I’d fail. Morrissey, “For Lent, I’ve given up music… there is a God.” He's been harassing me for weeks. "Look! You sure drank those fast.” Paudie explains: "You would drink fast too if you had what I have.” The Fashion Of Shania Twain: The Queen Of Country Pop, Riot Girls: The Female Musicians Who Changed The World, ‘Music Of My Mind’: Stevie Wonder’s Thoughts Turn To Musical Greatness, The Greatest Prog Guitarists: An Essential Top 25 Countdown. Jokes come in all shapes and sizes. Why was the sand wet? A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." “Lemmy in or I’ll knock the bleedin’ door down”, Your email address will not be published. Filthy Frank tells what could possibly be referred to as the worst joke of all time. I am listening. Steve Martin, “My favourite band is called Cockles And Mussels. I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus. She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both." Because he loved the high Cs. "I'll have a gin please, but no tonic". When he comes back with the pint, all seven shots are gone. ", Two back desk orchestral players go fishing and one falls out of the boat. “There are no fish under the ice!” He ignores it and moves to another area, cuts a hole, and tosses his line in. With a tuba glue. The Struggle is Real… 10. He says, "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I’m granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want." A flat minor. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." No one cries when you cut up a viola. Jarvis Cocker, “Sex has never been an obsession with me. It was two hours before we found out the cashier was dead…” The Argentine tango composer in, ‘Why do Black people have to be that much better to win, an audition?’ – Chi-chi Nwanoku on classical music’s diversity, When the real-life Von Trapp great grandchildren sang a, Virtuoso pianist perfectly syncs her playing with Tom and. 1. The best (and worst) musical jokes. Pop music. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class? Ludwig Van Beethoven. People will be lined up for blocks. Bob Hope, “I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do. Let’s hope music jokes are your forte and you can Handel all the wisecracks here, about everything from rock, to classical, jazz and country music. You So Black Jokes. My dad always told me I should sing tenor or twelve miles away. Louis Armstrong, “I’m sick to death of people saying we’ve made 11 albums that sound exactly the same.